Why I Won't Let you Berate Your Body at JSP

After I had my first child, my husband banished me from using the words "muffin top."  And I thought, "Why can't I say muffin top?  I have one!  Can't you see it?  I hate my muffin top!"  But I am at heart a rule follower, so I did what he said and stopped using that phrase.  And you know what?  My muffin top didn't disappear overnight.  It took months of Pilates (thank you Ab 5s and Side Sit Ups on the Reformer!) and focused eating.  But by just stopping the negative self-talk, I think I made a significant change in my head for the better, which helped me work out in a more focused way.

And that's the reason I think negative talk just doesn't work.  Sure, we all have conversations with ourselves in front of a mirror - I hate this, I hate that.  But I don't think those conversations inspire us to change.  I think they actually hurt our ability to change, because if you are so intrinsically flawed, why would you try?  If the part of your waist that meets your jeans after having a baby (or just a few too many not-so-great food choices, or a hard genetic hand) makes you rename it something hideous, doesn't that take away your power to own your body?  You've just separated yourself from a part of you that, like it or not, has carried you and helped you move (and yes, maybe expanded a bit from time to time).  But it's not a muffin top, it's your waist.  And your waist isn't even your waist (that's for another post).  Your waist is an invention of the fashion industry to sell pants.  You don't have a waist bone.  You don't have a waist muscle.  You have many muscles that connect your pelvis to your torso, so don't oversimplify the wonderful machine that is your body into one part you dislike. 

I've written a lot about mantras here, so I'm a deep believer in self-talk.  How we talk to our bodies, even in our heads, is important.  And I'm sure as anything not going to be that Pilates teacher that tries to make you feel bad about your body to workout.  Not only because it isn't kind, but because I don't think it helps.  Do you really think you'll go deeper into your Powerhouse by renaming it after a high-fat pastry?  No, you'll disconnect from it more.  But a little bit of self-love goes a long way, especially when you're sitting on top of the Short Box in front of a mirror and see your thighs squoosh out to the sides.  Yes, I've finally written about the Pilates exercise we all hate to see ourselves do. 

So, here are your two choices: 

1.  Wow, I hate my thighs.  Look at how big they are.  I shouldn't have eaten/drank that. 

2.  Hmm.  I think I'm losing my seat.  Maybe I should pinch/perch. 

Guess what?  Number 2 is always the better choice (because it works!)  Through the eyes of a skilled teacher, none of our bodies are flawed.  They are just still evolving.  And we need to be that guide for ourselves, too.  See something that's not right?  You probably need to change how you are performing the exercise, not how your body is put together. 

So, that's why I don't want to hear about how much you hate your butt, or your thighs, or arms.  Sure, we all want to grow and change and shape our bodies, but let's choose the path of least resistance, shall we? It's simple, just correct to the positive.

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I love it, Sir!

So my son recently started taking Taekwondo, and one day as I was observing class, my son and the instructor had this conversation while he was trying to do the splits.

Master:  How are you doing, Ty?

Student:  Not so good, Sir.  It hurts, Sir.

Master:  Oh no, Taekwondo Kids do not say, "It hurts."  Taekwondo kids do not say, "Ow."  They say, "I love it, Sir."  Say "I love it, Sir."

Student:  I love it, Sir.

So what to make of this?  Well, initially I was a little worried.  Is my son being taught to ignore pain or his feelings?  I wouldn't want that. 

But on second thought, it seems the lesson is that you can frame thoughts in your head so that you don't defeat yourself.  This reminds me of my mantra, "I love the burn." or why I need to do the exercises that I "hate."  But maybe I don't "hate" them anymore.  Maybe I "love" them.  Because they're making me stronger. 

How we talk to ourselves is very important.  How you talk to your clients is important.  Honor that something is challenging.  Much of Pilates is.  But find the joy in the struggle, the love in the work.  Pilates is difficult enough.  Adding negative energy won't help you find depth in a stretch or connection in a movement.  But maybe "loving" it will.  And it will make the journey that much more pleasant, so go ahead - love the burn, love the stretch, love your body and the effort you're putting into it each time you approach the work.  And who knows?  Eventually, your self talk may turn into actual self love.

Is this Going to be Your Excuse or Your Story?

I recently finished reading Misty Copeland's memoir, and it made me think:

Of all the girls who study ballet, how many actually become professional ballerinas?

Of those ballerinas, how many dance with American Ballet Theatre?

Of those that dance with ABT, how many become soloists?

That accomplishment, in itself, is remarkable.  But Misty also had to overcome an instable home life, a very late start for a dancer, and prejudice.  Oh, and toss in a highly publicized custody battle with her ballet teacher.

All her life, Misty had a million great reasons to quit, to give up on herself, but she didn't.  Instead, she kept going, so now those roadblocks to her dreams are just a part of the narrative of her success.

So, what is it gonna be - your excuse or your story?  How many things are holding you back from becoming your best self?  Are they the excuses you make that will prevent you from realizing your potential or will they become a part of your story?  The things you'll recount when you talk about your amazing accomplishments?

What is it going to be?

You Are More than Your Body

I was reading this blog today and this line really struck a chord with me:

"Stress trumps all.   Even when the diet and movement are right, you can be undermined by a mind that's bearing a heavy load." 

Isn't that true?  Every time I've had a major injury, it's been during a very stressful period in my life.  I've taken to preemptively doing energy work before a stressful event because my body manifests stress so strongly physically.  When I last sprained my ankle, I was a Graduate Teaching Assitant, was completing my Masters, was teaching full time, and completing the highest level of Pilates certification.  So was it the movement in the ballet class that injured me?  No, it was the heavy load I was carrying in my brain and in my heart.

So, how are you planning on taking care of your mind this year?  How can we lessen the load for each other? 

This may be my New Years Non Resolution .

What are you Giving Yourself this year?

Before we even get into New Years Resolutions, can we talk about what gifts we're giving this year?  Not to each other, but to ourselves?  No matter what Winter Festival of Your Choice you are celebrating, why not give yourself a gift this year instead of giving something up for New Years?  Why not add instead of subtract? 

Just. Add. Pilates.

Or yoga.  Or breakfast smoothies.  Or an earlier bedtime.  And see what else changes. 

Make your life one of plenty and abundance.

See also What If?

Do you have a mantra?

With my recent gig as a toe talk ambassador, I've started thinking...do you have a mantra?  You know, something that helps you through the tough times?  The hard times, the times you want to give up?  How we talk to ourselves is important.  Language is important.  Kind self-talk will help create the movement you want in your body to move with grace and ease.

Every toe talk has a story - Inhale/Exhale, Warrior Chick, Be Mindful... and the stories we tell ourselves are important.  The way you move tells your life story.  Do you breathe with your spinal articulation?  Do you let your spine unwind?  Tell yourself you can and you will.  Are you strong and determined?  Do you love a challenge?  Then you are a warrior.  Tell yourself you are and you will be one.  The stories we tell about ourselves become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But if you could choose a mantra, what would it be?  It's easy to pick any of the Six Pilates Principles - Concentrate, Be Precise, Center, Control, Breathe (There's a sock for that!), or Flow.  Ones I've used in the past include:  I Love the Burn, Just Four More (to be used when there is more than four), and Sprint to the Finish. 

But do you know what the most effective one was?  After I had my daughter, it was. so. hard.  Hard to find time to workout.  Hard to find the energy.  Hard to build my connection to my body back.  I wasn't used to it being that hard.  And do you know what I did when my workout was particularly challenging?  I would close my eyes and picture her smile.  Seriously.  And if I could see her baby joy in my mind's eye, I could do anything.  So maybe my true mantra is Love.  Or Joy.  Or Giggle.  What's yours?

Did you know that toe talk socks is taking suggestions for new sock mantras?  Why not suggest yours?  You just might be wearing it in your favorite class soon!

Movement

Thankful

The doctor of the future